7 Better Questions to ask at Thanksgiving Instead of “What Are You Grateful for this Year?”
My #1 rule for social gatherings: Be more interested than interesting.
Asking a question is more than just a way to avoid awkward silences. To remix A.J Heschel: Questions are our humble response to the inconceivable mystery of another human being. A good question comes from the recognition that even your closest loved ones are never fully knowable and that every single person is infinite.
That’s why the standard “what’s one thing you’re grateful for this year?” is such a missed opportunity. It might be good for kids or as a warm up for strangers, but it rarely leads to deeper reflection, conversation, connection, sharing, or learning something new about the people you're with.
So here are 7 of my favorite questions, new for this year, to ask around your table this year that dig a little deeper, encourage storytelling, and make space for shadow. Keep scrolling for a bonus dinner ritual + game-changing hosting tips.
#1
Where have you felt most alive this past year? Paint a detailed picture.
#2
If your life was a delicious meal, what flavors are you savoring right now?
#3
Tell the person on your right one way you’ve seen them grow this year.
#4
Choose something ordinary in your life that you take for granted. Describe it like it's the most extraordinary thing you've ever discovered.
#5
Who is someone that makes you feel deeply appreciated? How?
#6
What have you inherited from your ancestors that you're grateful for?
#7
What in the year ahead do you hope to truly treasure?
Bonus Dinner Ritual (only for the brave)
Catch someone’s eyes at the table and take a deep breath or two together. Share a smile, then tell each other, “I’m grateful for you."
Hosting Pro Tips
Forced vulnerability First frame by explaining your intention, then ask if everyone is interested in participating (this can even be done ahead of time in your invitation)
Make it random by placing a different question under each plate -- the element of surprise and chance provide social cover for more vulnerable sharing
Give everyone 1-2 mins in silence to first think about their answers (might sound awkward, but it’s far better than spending the whole time stressing about what to say instead of listening to others)
More than 12 people? Consider forming little conversation circles of 4-6
Lots of introverts? Form little 1:1 pairs for more intimate (and less intimidating) sharing