🎙 We Are Human Leaders: Using Ritual to Uplevel Your Leadership
What do you think of when you think of rituals? And how can rituals form a part of how we lead, work and connect?
Today Sally Clarke and Alexis Zahner dive deep on the meaning and impact of rituals at work and beyond with Ezra Bookman. Ezra Bookman is an internationally recognized ritual designer, artist, and founder of Ritualist, the first ever creative studio specializing in the design of secular ritual. He’s worked with numerous organizations and thought leaders and his insights into the scope for ritual to create connection and meaning in our lives will change how you view everything from your morning coffee, to facilitating a company-wide meeting.
Transcript:
Spk0 Sally Clarke Spk1 Ezra Bookman Spk2 Alexis Zahner
[00:00:09] spk_0: Welcome to the We are Human Leaders podcast. I'm Sally Clarke. What do you think of when you think of rituals and how can rituals form a part of how we lead work and connect today? Alexis Anna and I dive deep on the meaning and impact of rituals at work and beyond with Ezra Bookman. Ezra is an internationally recognized ritual designer, artist and founder of ritual, the first ever creative studio specializing in the design of secular ritual. He's worked with numerous organizations and thought leaders and his insights into the scope for ritual to create connection and meaning in our lives will change how you view everything from your morning coffee to facilitating a company wide meeting. Let's delve in.
[00:01:03] spk_1: Welcome to, we are human leaders. Ezra, it's an absolute delight to have you with us today and we'd like to begin by learning a little bit more about your own personal journey and how you've come to do the important work that you're currently doing.
[00:01:19] spk_2: Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me. It's such a joy and a delight. It's a great word to be here. I'll try to do the quick version of this. It always goes on too long. But the quick story is, you know, my background is originally in theater. Actually, I was a performance artist and director and I got really interested in the in the intersection of arts and spirituality and how really all of our artistic practices today have their roots as ritual practices, costuming, dancing, drumming, singing, acting, performing. It's all started as ritual. So I had a research grant. I went to South America and I just kept on digging deeper and deeper into that question. Hungry for a kind of performance and theater that wasn't really out there. So that eventually I wound up actually at a community in New York called Lab, which was an experimental artist driven, everybody friendly God optional, pop up Jewish community. And I was the artistic director there, getting to explore that question and that intersection and just found myself creating new rituals all the time. You know, it was a sort of very modern community with like one step in the past, but one step really deeply rooted in the present and trying to reinvent in every way, what it means to be a spiritual community in the modern world. So we were constantly reinventing and creating new rituals, which meant that I was always going to lots of rituals and doing lots of research. And this question just started nagging on me, which is like, why are some rituals better than others? Why were we so popular? Why were people coming to us feeling transformed completely as a person. They walked in one way, they left a different way and others are like so boring. You just like, can't wait to get out of it. And that question just fascinated me and drove me to do a ton of research around, you know, what are rituals actually and why are they important? And then ultimately, and most importantly, how do we design them better? Because when you look around, it's not just in spiritual communities, rituals are really everywhere in our lives. And I'll admit I've done some of those bad rituals myself, those boring ones. And I've done some really great ones. And I'm just committed to getting this work out there in the world. Fascinating
[00:03:29] spk_0: Ezra. Thank you so much for sharing that, that personal journey and that quest. I love the curiosity that you've brought to those questions. And it sounds like something that's kind of an overarching sort of life journey for you personally as well. And I can't help but wonder that the question that you pose that has driven so much of your research and your career to date. What is a ritual? And what impact can rituals have? How can we design better ones? I'd love to firstly start by exploring that first one. What is a ritual?
[00:04:00] spk_2: Sure, my definition of ritual is an intentional, symbolic, elevated action. And what I mean by that, it's actually probably best, by example, I think especially in the context of, of culture and work life. When I talk about rituals at work, I think a lot of people imagine standing around and drumming and wishing for the marketing R O Y to be better in the next quarter, which is a real example that I heard from Adam Grant from a company as a totally toxic work culture. And I think that's what probably most people imagine. But a much better example is from a company called Simpson Manufacturing. And Simpson is very sort of standard manufacturing, but it's known for its culture. And one of their values is that everyone matters. And there's many ways in which that value gets embodied into the culture of Simpson. One of them is that the CEO and the founder when he was still alive, sat in and went to every single employee on boarding every single one and this is a 3000 person company, right? And he would at some point get up, tell the history of the company and welcome each and every person by name, welcome them to the company. And so why is that a ritual? Well, it's intentional, right? It's purposeful. There's a purpose, a clear purpose to it just to welcome the employees. It's symbolic, it means more than what it does, right? Functionally what's happening is, you know, the CEO is going to an onboarding meeting, but it signals this value, this deeper value that they have there and when you tell the story of like who is Simpson manufacturing, you'll tell that story because it means more than what it actually functionally does and it's elevated, it's special, right? It's different than the norm. The normal thing is you'll see the CEO in a video that gets sent to you in your onboarding packet and along with the values in a PDF and then you'll never hear about them or see him ever or her ever again. So it's different. It's special, it's elevated. And that's why I would point to that as a better example of what ritual is
[00:06:06] spk_0: amazing. And I think, you know, so much of our ideas about ritual are drawn from spirituality and sort of spiritual tradition. So it's really interesting to think about the context in an organization and their impact. And what do you think when you know, when they're done? Right? What impact can a ritual have for leaders, for teams and organizations?
[00:06:26] spk_2: There's a evolutionary scientist, Dr Isabel Bey who says, tell me what rituals you do and I'll tell you who you are. So I think in the context of a company, rituals really embody the values and symbolize and signal who this company is what they stand for, what matters to them. Most rituals also help us zoom in, it breaks us out of the habitual automatic way of being and doing and so that we can pay attention to what's actually happening. There's some great rituals that you can do for like starting your meeting, especially your Zoom virtual meetings. There's so much habit and habitual ways of like the first five minutes is idle chit chat until finally someone says, OK, let's begin. It's like, why is that, is that serving us? Is that helping us in any way? So rituals can interrupt that. A colleague of mine says rituals are friction, which is a great way of thinking about how rituals can actually help us break out of the automatic ways in which we lose sight of what is actually important and what actually matters and which can actually in many ways help us be more productive. And rituals help us zoom out, connect to something bigger than ourselves, whether it's our deepest personal values, who we are are and why we're at work. But also our team, what team stands for the company itself, the mission vision potentially. And I think also rituals help us process emotions, the idea that we can somehow leave a part of ourselves at the door and show up at work as if that whole self is not. There is a real disservice that we tell people in the workforce today. We are always our full selves and things that happen at work. We are emotional beings and changes, layoffs, new beginnings, all this kind of stuff, there's an emotional weight to it and we often just bottle it and don't actually express it. And because of that those emotions end up working against us. So I say rituals are great unique spaces that allow us to process those emotions,
[00:08:31] spk_1: really agree with you there, Ezra. And, you know, interestingly just reflecting on a few moments ago, we begun our podcast conversation and when you joined us, you said, do you have a ritual to begin the podcast? And Sally and I sort of said, well, sort of just a bit of idle chit chat and, you know, then we jump into it and you gently guided us through just a moment of a few deep breaths. And I can't help but think just reflecting on what you mentioned there that it almost felt like a moment for the rest of our body and emotional being to kind of catch up with where the brain already was ready to sort of jump into the conversation and just that gentle moment of breathing together before we came into this conversation, I felt myself relaxed. I felt myself settle, find sort of a grounded this before we entered this conversation. And I'd love to maybe take the conversation in a little bit in that direction. That was just, you know, one experience of how such a small ritual really, I think changed the energy and the present that we were able to bring to this conversation. What does the neuroscience or what does the science tell us about the impact of rituals on the human being? And you mentioned it's about viewing the human as the whole human, not just the brain coming to work every day and having to do the things. So I'd love to know a little bit more around what impact that can actually have on us as human beings, you know, in the workplace as well.
[00:09:59] spk_2: Yeah. Thanks for that question. And what I love in that example is the reminder that rituals can be as simple as a conscious breath and can be as big as the Olympic opening ceremonies, right? So we're talking about a really wide spectrum of social and human behavior here. But a reminder for all of us building cultures that like if you get caught up thinking like, oh it's a ritual. I need the candles and the robes and all that sort of stuff. Like it can be so much simpler than that. There's beautiful studies coming out of behavioral neuroscience right now around why do we do rituals? They are a personal human behavior through all of human history in every single culture since our earliest ancestry. So like what's the deal here? And it's a nascent science? But in the last 15 years or so, we've seen studies that have shown rituals provide stable feelings of social connection, rituals, enhance performance by motivating and bonding people. They can enhance performance by decreasing anxiety. They help people deal with loss and grief and negative transitions. They can increase creativity, they can improve the quality of an experience. This is one of my favorite ones. They gave two groups a chocolate bar, one, they gave a ritual before eating it. Super simple little ritual and one they just ate it and then rated it. And the one with the ritual rated it as better tasting, better quality, more expensive. So rituals can improve actual quality of our experience and can also give us a feeling of control and focus and self-discipline, especially in the face of instability which we all face at some point in our work life.
[00:11:37] spk_0: I love that you used that word a couple times actually as a sort of identifying rituals as being a sort of a stable socially connective component of human interconnection. And you mentioned it again, there, there can be a kind of a sense of control and continuity perhaps in the face of instability and uncertainty of which we've all had plenty of experience in recent years. And I can imagine that planting almost of a ritual, you know, Lex mentioned the word grounding earlier as well that there is a grounding component to having that some activity that is shared on a frequent on a regular basis that almost creates something almost tangible in terms of expectations, in terms of how we treat one another, how we enter situations. I can imagine it. And it's wonderful to hear also that there is this science also backing the powerful impact that it has for people even in the workplace
[00:12:30] spk_2: Yeah, it's exciting. It's really exciting. And
[00:12:33] spk_0: so on that note, I'd love to explore a little bit. We've talked about the research behind the impact of rituals at work. What are a couple of examples if you can perhaps share the work that you do as the ritual is working with teams and organizations about the sort of when you have been able to perhaps create a ritual for a team or help them create a ritual and seeing what the outcome might be. We'd love to hear some examples of your experience.
[00:12:58] spk_2: Sure. Yeah. And I hope, you know, I can give some examples but for anyone listening and if you're feeling inspired, you're like, I want to go create some rituals at my company or with my team. You know what I really encourage you is not just to replicate what I'm doing, but to really go through a creative process on your own. And I can talk you through maybe a little bit later, some of the where to start in that process. But you know, it's not so simple of just like the rituals are like, do this feel that, you know, automatic kind of the way that they're often talked about online? It's not just replicating what other people do because that might not be a culture fit for you. So I hope get the inspiration to create on your own and with your teams, there's so many examples. My brain kind of goes a little blank when I get asked this question, you know, one fairly reason I teach a seven week course called the ritual lab where people can come and they learn the sort of fundamentals of ritual design and then get to bring a ritual that they're working on for feedback with a small cohort of six other people. And there was a guy in the most recent cohort Maximo who's the head of people at the A I startup. And he brought in this ritual. He's like, you know, it's happening, but I'm not really sure. It is a ritual because like at two pm, inevitably every single day, there's that like two PM slump and someone never really sure who, but someone will send out a slack. I made coffee and like 15 to sometimes like up to 60 people will come into their little micro kitchen and the person who makes the coffee will take the first cup, they like sit around and bruise, they take the first cup and then they make some sort of like comment about the quality of the coffee, like, hm, tastes like blueberry or whatever, you know, something funny. And then everyone pours coffee, they sit around their big buffet table snacks come out and then he always will sit down and welcome people. And he says the same thing, each China says, like in the spirit of being more human at work, let's go around and, and just sort of puts out a question. Tell me one thing that you're grateful for this week or something like that. And about 35 to 45 minutes later, he usually will say something like, oh man, I gotta go to my next meeting and we'll get up and it all sort of dissipate. So it's like, OK, so this is happening, it's gonna keep happening no matter what I would love for. You know, what's happening is like none of the interactions and the connections that are happening are actually like moving past the gathering, people will say something that they're working on and I'll see the two people, they're both working on it the same challenge, but then they don't go talk to each other afterwards. So how do we elevate this and make it more meaningful and more important and what we identified a couple things, one, we identified a couple of solutions for diversifying the leadership of this, this gathering so that it's not just Maximo being responsible for it every time so that there was more ownership around it. They're gonna start suggesting questions in their slack channel. So it's not just Maximo coming up with it, but they get to have a say in what the questions are and up vote, the questions that they want. And also most importantly is like that close rather than the oh no, I gotta go to my next meeting, which was sort of signaling like, oh we've been doing something naughty. We've been like taking time off work and like, OK, we all have to go back to our desks. Instead, we've created a closing with clarity and intention so that it's a culture that celebrates rests and celebrates that human connection, not like they're getting away with something by connecting with each other. And so just like it's opening with some intentionality is not gonna close with some intentionality too. And it's beautiful the way it's blossoming and the way that those connections are now sort of rippling out beyond just that 30 40 minute break. That
[00:16:39] spk_1: sounds like such a small yet profound experience for the employees at that company on so many levels. I can't help thinking that opportunity to connect with the founder and the CEO every afternoon tea time is such a special little moment. But I also just appreciated how that ritual really fit with the natural cycle of human beings through the workday. You know, we can't expect people to be on productively at their desk for eight hours. So there is opportunity to infuse these rituals in a way that helps us. As you said, the word rest was really important, but recoup energy reconnect at times of the day where potentially we're not working or at a high performing sort of level. And it's an opportunity to sort of take a step back and connect with one another before sort of moving in to what we need to do in the afternoon. So that was such a lovely example there, Ezra. And, you know, I'd love to even move this to a personal level because sort of speaking to that a little more, we all have sort of different levels of energy through the day, different times where we can be in deep work or where we enjoy concentrating or where we feel the need to have a little bit more of that sort of maybe human connection. And I'd love to hear from you personally, Ezra, you know, what rituals do you use in your work life that you perhaps couldn't do without?
[00:18:04] spk_2: Yeah. Well, I work alone a lot as a consultant and teacher and facilitator. It's a lot of at my own desk kind of stuff. So I'm not sure how relevant these will be for everyone else. I would say one of my favorite rituals and, and that for me speaks a lot about like who I am and how I want to interact with my day is that I've changed my computer password to the word deep breath, which I don't always do, by the way, like sometimes I'm often just speeding through and I just like, type it in and I keep doing whatever, whatever I'm doing. But it's there for me when I need it. Right. It's not like some people get really rigid with these rituals and they think they're sort of scared to design a new one because they're like, well, I have to do this for the rest of my life or it's not a ritual. But the thing is, is like rituals actually don't need to be repeated in order for them to be a ritual. The first time you do it, it's still a ritual. Even if you never do it again, it can grow in meaning if you continue to repeat it. But that's only one place that a ritual can be meaningful is through repetition. Repetition can also like erase the meaning of a ritual because it just becomes rote and repetitive. And it's only about just sort of like doing it, but it's lost your personal intention around it. So this ritual, it's like it's there for me when I need it. And when I'm like stressed and in my head, it can be just that little bit of friction, that interruption to be like to come back to myself, come back to my body and come back to like, wait, what am I doing again? You know, like when you get on Instagram because you had to like, send a message to somebody. And then 15 minutes later, you haven't sent the message, you've completely forgotten why you're there. Yeah, I see Sally laughing. So it's that little moment of interruption of like, OK, what am I here to do again? And to come back and to focus. This is a small one. It's kind of silly, but maybe hopefully it'll also encourage people to find the play and the humor and the silliness and ritual because we can relate to them as often these really like serious things. But I make my coffee in the morning, which is very much a habit. Right. It's unconscious. It's automatic. I make it every morning. I don't have to think much about it. It's not intentional. It's not symbolic or whatever, but I have a timer. It goes for 90 seconds and I trained my Google home little like smart speaker that I say, hey, Google, it's coffee time. Sometimes it just will play that. OK. So I say, hey, Google, it's coffee time and it goes OK, like 90 seconds starting now. Hooray, hooray for coffee. And it just brings a little bit of joy into my life and like a little bit of smile and often what I'll do is I'll take that 90 seconds as it's brewing rather than just racing into something else. It's 90 seconds. I'll just go and stare out the window and like take in the morning just for 90 seconds. Those are two that I would say are pretty core to my work day. But as a ritual designer, I'm constantly inventing, reinventing changing and improving new rituals all the
[00:21:00] spk_1: time. I just wanted to make note of one thing you mentioned there, Ezra that for a person like me who is a little bit of an overachiever felt really important to pause on. And that was sort of the mention that rituals are. But if we treat them as something that becomes like this rigid must do, they kind of lose their intentionality. And that's something that I find personally, I need to remind myself very regularly that this is for me, it's not something that should be working against me or causing me more stress. It's there as a moment to pause to connect with my own personal intentionality and just a gentle reminder to slow down and reconnect. And it just felt like a moment that I really needed to flag that because I think so many of us create rituals where we feel the need to really adhere to them strictly. I'm gonna throw to you to perhaps dive into that next question then. So
[00:21:52] spk_0: one thing, I also actually, if it's OK, I just wanted to sort of flag as well. That sort of echoing a little bit what Lex just mentioned around rigidity. And I think that's something that I've struggled with historically building a yoga and meditation and sort of ritual for myself in the mornings that I really started from this place of, if I don't do one hour of yoga and like a half hour of meditation, there's kind of no point like it was very sort of rigid around the length that it had to be for myself to the point where if I suddenly I only had 50 minutes to do yoga, I would not do it because it wasn't the full hour. And so I think that just to echo, as Lex mentioned, like your flexibility around that I think is so important as well that we can say it's not about the number of seconds that I'm doing yoga. It's about that time for myself on the mat. And what that actually means. And that can be just as meaningful. If I'm present for that time, then it's just as meaningful as the time is kind of irrelevant. It's really that grounding and connection.
[00:22:46] spk_2: Yeah. What is uh the poet, data fault say says, forgive yourself for not meeting your unreasonable expectations. If your rituals become an a one more way to inflict yourself and to shame yourself and blame yourself, then it's probably not a very good ritual. And yeah, I think I can just leave it at that. There's a sort of the dark side or the shadow side of rituals that they become, they can feed a sort of obsessiveness and a compulsiveness and a sort of superstition that can actually lock you in place. It becomes actually ha habit, right where it's automatic where there isn't actually intentionality around it before anymore. And it becomes this rigid structure that is trapping you. It's a kind of prison behavior rather than a site liberation and a site of connection with yourself with the other people around you or the earth as a whole. And so it's something to keep an eye on and again, to just point people back to the science, which is that rituals do not need to be repeated. And while they are often described in these sort of like rigid step, one, step two, do it exactly this way. There's no real science to indicate that a ritual requires that. And in some ways, some of the best examples that I have of rituals are the ones that continue to evolve over time and grow with you. And any ritual that you've inherited today has had that journey. I could give some examples if you wanted. But I would say just free yourself up a little bit more and begin to play with the ritual, such
[00:24:22] spk_0: an important message. And thank you for that sort of confirmation and a reminder, I think for all of us to bring some flexibility and open mindedness and that sense of liberation rather than imprisonment that that ritual can bring. Now, you mentioned earlier, a couple of beautiful examples of, you know, where you've seen uh rituals in the workplace, really sort of take hold. And you also mentioned that we shouldn't want to necessarily just copy paste what we're seeing, hearing you doing. But actually there is a process that you bring to those kind of conversations and that work. Now, I know you can't sort of encapsulate all of what you do in a 32nd nutshell. But I'd love to hear a little bit more about that process that you perhaps guide leaders or teams through in creating their own rituals. What can you tell us about that, that process, what it might look like?
[00:25:09] spk_2: Sure, the process is going to look unique depending on your team, your structure of your company. Are you a five person startup or are you a 2000 person legacy institution? The process of creating rituals in either of those spaces is gonna look really different overall though I would encourage you no matter what the actual process is and how you work round up and include people and get that creative energy going. I really encourage people to ask themselves three questions and it's connected to that definition of ritual. So the first question is, why are you doing this? Which is the intention? What's the purpose? Why are you doing this? What are you hoping to achieve? What's your current state? And how do you hope to be on the other side of this ritual? So that's your intention and then ask yourself, why are you doing this? Why are we doing this? And that's the symbolism? That's what does this mean to you? Not just functional? I did the purpose, but what would it mean to you if, if that intention came true? What other values is this pointing to or signaling? And that's the symbolic element? Why are we doing this? What does it mean to you? And then finally, why are we doing this? And that's the elevated the specialness. So and that's where it gets fun and that's where your creativity as a ritual designer, creator, experience designer. However, you want to describe it, that's where it comes in because of all the things that you could do to achieve that purpose. Why that of all the ways that you could mark the two PM slump. Why coffee together as a group of all the ways that we could have marked the beginning of this podcast by three breaths. Why not 10 breaths? Why not 30 breaths? Why not humming together? Right? There's a million different things that we could do. And that's where it gets interesting and fun. And where you get to actually examine is this ritual serving the intention or how effective is it at serving that intention? I think
[00:27:07] spk_1: that's a really important way as well. Ezra to sort of ensure that different people in the group can feel represented in the ritual that's designed as well. And it sort of leads a little bit into my next question, which is, you know, do you have any other thoughts around how we can ensure that the rituals we create as a group are really inclusive and connected of all the members within the group?
[00:27:34] spk_2: Sure. Ultimately, that is very much a facilitation question. And that's much bigger than we've got time for this podcast. But I would encourage anyone creating rituals for a group to create with the group, not for them. And to include people in that process. I always say that rituals should be invitations, not obligations. I think that coffee ritual is actually a great example of like if it was mandated two PM, come to the kitchen and get coffee and hang out because you have to, because we're human here that you would just feel resistance to that rather than the invitation of come if you feel called. So I think that's a great way of including people in that process from the beginning all the way through the actual facilitation and sharing of the ritual.
[00:28:23] spk_1: And I think that's another really important discernment, right? Between what we have to do versus what we intentionally choose and to do because it enhances our day or enhances our experience of work or one another. I think that's a really beautiful difference to highlight between things like routines and habits versus rituals and why we would purposely co create something like a ritual as a group versus putting another routine in place for the group or another two PM meeting, right?
[00:28:52] spk_2: And I don't wanna knock habits and routines and traditions that are necessary, right? Everything can't be a t you'll get three things done in the whole day, right? If it's friction and intentional and, but we need the automatic, I don't want to think twice about and have to consider the symbolic meaning of brushing my teeth. I just want to do it. So habits and routines are really important, especially in workplaces where we need to streamline certain activities. But the downside is if everything is a habit and if everything is routine, it creates a kind of sameness and flatness to our life. And I see almost that like a chart that, that line just being really flat and really like little small dips and bumps. But that's not the full experience of life. And ritual helps us have that full experience of life and point towards that little bump can actually be a mountain. And that little divot where you're just like, I'm sad, but never mind. I'm not, you can actually really feel the depth of that emotion so that it doesn't just live in your system and continue to like haunt you and interrupt you and get in the way for the rest of your time together. And so rituals help us taste and experience that richness and that complexity and that nuance and have the full impact of the things already doing so much of this stuff. The question is like, do we want it to actually have deeper and bigger impact?
[00:30:21] spk_0: Amazing Ezra. Thank you so much for sort of sketching out. I think that's such an important point of sort of differentiation there between the, you know, the the need that we have for things to, to a certain level, to be automated. But also that this, I think almost the mindfulness and presence that a ritual can potentially bring to the moment that drops us sort of out of that automated sort of monkey mind and almost drops us into the actual present lived experience this moment as a human being in connection with others, potentially, if it is a group ritual, that's potentially incredibly profound impact, I imagine for people, especially in the workplace. Now, I imagine we have a lot of leaders who are listening right now who are really inspired. And I was wondering if you could give them a starting point, perhaps if they're thinking, you know, I'd love to delve deeper into this. I'd love to start to think about the rituals that I might be able to build together with my team. What would be a good starting point for those leaders right
[00:31:16] spk_2: now? Yeah. The best place to start, I encourage people is take a look at any sort of changes or transitions in your day or beginnings and endings. Those are good, ripe places for ritual. There's plenty of other places. But those spaces in particular, especially if you're new to ritual are a great place to start. Because any change and any transition, even the ones that we want, even the good changes that we desire come with some sort of loss of the past, which is grief and some sort of unknown in the future, which is anxiety, but that's not the full picture, right? Because on the other side of loss is liberation. And on the other side of anxiety is hope so. Those are good spaces to focus a little bit of ritual or a little bit of attention to slow people down. Even if it's the micro change of closing your laptop at the end of the day. Right. There's some sort of loss from your work and your purpose and something unknown about what's lying ahead of you. And so focus on that. The beginnings and endings of meetings are great places as well because that's where our attention is most primed and where you have the most opportunity to set the tone of that space and to imbue the values that you want to or that you profess to hold. And then once you land on the spot, ask yourself those three questions. Why are you doing this? Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this and why are we doing this?
[00:32:46] spk_1: Ezra, thank you so much for exploring rituals with us today and we are human leaders. It's been an absolute pleasure to share this space with you today.
[00:32:56] spk_2: Thank you so much. The pleasure is certainly mine and as well. And I'm so grateful for these questions and I hope that whoever is listening to this, I hope that at least one little thing has landed in your brain that you can carry forward a little piece of inspiration to bring a little bit more meaning, purpose, belonging, connection, or just even intention and attention into your work life.
[00:33:21] spk_1: I'm sure it has. Thank you so much, Ezra.
[00:33:29] spk_0: Thanks for being with us for another episode of the We are Human Leaders podcast. You can learn more about Ezra's work including his course, the ritual lab at W W W dot Ritual dot life or check the show notes and if you haven't already join the human leadership movement at W W W dot We are human leaders dot com. See you next time.
🎙 The Whole Human Work Podcast: From Monotony to Meaning
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if more of us knew how to intentionally connect with what's truly most important to us? On this episode we'll learn about the power of ritual for embodying our values individually, organizationally, and collectively.
Connect with Oren Shai on LinkedIn
Access resources on whole human work
Timestamps
00:03:29 Designing intentional, symbolic rituals.
00:06:28 How rituals help us break out of autopilot.
00:15:02 The value of rituals in organizations.
00:31:40 Rituals that help embody and reinforce values.
00:35:49 Rituals that reflect values and identity.
00:47:04 The power of ritualizing life
Transcript
Ezra: Any person in any context, homework, family, you know, ritual can be as small as a single deep breath and as big as the Olympic opening ceremonies.
Oren: Welcome back to the whole human work podcast, where we are exploring different ways of showing up to work ways that are. Definitely more human, more grounded, more real. And that's why I could not wait for Ezra or guests today to join us ezra is a fascinating guy and I'm fortunate to be connected to as Aurora through his brother,
My friend, Jonah.
Who I lived with over a decade ago.
I'll share a little bit about as rhe before we get into the conversation. He is a ritual designer. So he founded an organization called ritualist the first ever creative studio specializing in the design of secular ritual.
This is a topic that I don't hear spoken about often at all. But we would all be well-served to bring a little bit more awareness to the rituals through our lives, because we've all got them, whether we realize it or not. And if we can totally design them in an aligned way based upon who we are and what we want to create in the world.
That can be powerful for us and everyone around us.
As Laura is also an artist. He is a host and facilitator. And also interestingly and officiant, I love this quote from the website, from a, a wedding couple, literally the best, most personal, funny, meaningful ceremony we've ever seen. So that should give you a sense about as HRA and.
What this conversation is getting into which I believe will open up a new way for you to consider. The way in which. You have the ability to infuse. Every day of your life with meaning.
And to connect with what and who. Is most important to you?
Oren: Just take a moment, connect with the breath for a minute here. I think it'll just help get into the body and support us in transitioning into the conversation. I'm gonna close my eyes here and I'm just going through my little ritual here of gratitude for, for us being in this conversation. I'm going back to the totally, the different lifetime that, that it was when Jonah and I connected and, and how that leads us to being here right now. And I'm curious about not just your interest in rituals, but this, this stance, I'll call it, of, of intentionality, of being thoughtful about these continuous transitions that we move through, not just within life more generally, but also day to day in our tower.
Ezra: It's a pleasure to be here and thanks so much for that great question.
I, I, we just did a ritual and I, I wanna like, I wanna look at that because it's, it's such a, it's such a great place to start to actually do a ritual and see, well, how did, how did that feel and why did we do it? And, and actually why was it a ritual? You know, I look at rituals in, in three components.
They're intentional, symbolic, and special elevated in some way. So, you know, what was the intention of that ritual that we just did? What was the intention
Oren: to, to ground ourselves in this moment? To come back to presence?
Ezra: Yeah. Yeah, I usually ask people, you know, why to, to get to that core of that is why are you doing this?
So to to ground, to to become present to mark that transition to to let go potentially of some things that are like the to-do list that's on our mind that might actually keep us from being present. And then when I, when it looks at, when I look at symbolic, I'll ask you, why are you doing this?
Or why are we doing this? What does it mean to you? You know, rituals mean more than what they do. So functionally what we did was we like stopped for a second and took a breath and maybe closed our eyes. But, but it meant more than that. So, for you, what does this mean to you? What does it signal about you that you started your podcast with me?
By doing that ritual,
Oren: to me it signals a, a commitment to connecting with what's real in this moment. A recognition of the fact that it's too easy to just be living and interacting with other people from a
Ezra: place of autopilot. And why is that important to you?
Oren: Because what's, what's real is, is what allows for us to really connect and to continue growing and evolving.
Ezra: So you value connection because through connection we can grow and evolve. And so when I look at you and I look at your podcast or I look at how you do things and I see you doing that ritual, it actually signals that what you care about, rituals point towards what we value, what's important to us what's most important to us often.
And so it's not just that you like. Wanna ground and mark a moment. But actually it's, it's signaling and pointing to this deeper value that you hold and who you want to be and how you wanna show up in the world, what you care about. And then the, the final question is, is why are we doing this right?
Like, if the purpose, if the intention is to ground, there's a thousand things that we could have done. I mean, we could have lit two candles. I don't know. We could have gotten up and, and, you know, rolled our shoulders. So why the breath? Why, why closing our eyes? Why calling in our, our previous relationship, you know, we're connected through my brother back way back when, like expanding this connection to this like, wider story that we are a part of.
And that's the fun part. Ritual design. Like that's where it gets interesting. And that's where each and every one of us, our creativity can shine. Because there's, there's so many ways that we can do that. And it's ultimately about differentiation, right? It's about making something special.
So how do most podcasts start? I, I've been on a lot of them. You just like dive in and we start asking questions, but instead you're differentiating from the norm. You're elevating it, especially, you're marking something, you're marking this transition and holding it up by doing something different than what most people do.
And I think that's really when, you know, to circle back to your question, that's, that's why ritual is so important to me. That's why I care about this work, because I think that we are on autopilot. And there are billions and billions of dollars being spent and some of the smartest minds in the world who go to work every day and think about how to keep us distracted, disconnected, disassociated in shame, shame around our bodies, shame around our productivity, shame around our money and our finances, and disconnected from our emotions and our emotional experience.
And and ritual is, is a kind of friction that we can put into our lives to, to slow us down, to break out of the habitual and the automatic. And that sort of like trance of sameness that I think most of us are feeling that sameness, that disconnectedness, that dullness in our lives and ritual can break that and actually bring us into, into truth, into reality, into our bodies, into the moment, into connection, into our values.
And, and I know, I'm like, we're, we're starting really grand and we'll probably get into the granular about like, what does this look like at a company? And there's so many layers to that. What does this look like at a culture, at an organization? But at its core, I think that's what this work is all about.
Yes. Yeah, and
Oren: What stands out to me, one of the things that stands out to me that you just expressed was the notion of slowing down. This is in, in my experience, working with leaders and the teams within organizations is one of the essential first steps that is the hardest for us to take.
Going back to the, those cultural characteristics, some of which you described, where we're our attention is pulled, intentionally pulled from us, and we learn that if we are to, to continue being okay in our society, we gotta keep going. We gotta keep it moving. So slowing down as simple as it sounds, superficially is actually very challenging for many of us.
Ezra: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. The, the, the sort of cult of, of productivity, which has ultimately said that just work more, work longer you know, remove any, any friction, make everything frictionless, and, and we will produce more. And there are times in which that's true, and there's times in which that is, is a, is a terrible, you know, myth, myth that we've, we've been sold and there's really good science and really good data that's showing us that that kind of that kind of speed can lead to all kinds of error and reduction in the quality of work as well as, you know, to, to, to point towards the title of this podcast, a.
You know, evisceration of, of our core humanity and the, the burnout epidemic that we are, are, are experiencing right now. And you know, we can extract, you can, you can extract and squeeze every single thing that you can out of your employee in, in a year. And then they burn out and they leave. And there's costs associated with that than a more sustainable human and humane way of relating to our work and relating to each other.
And, and by the way, like I, you know, I don't, I don't wanna insinuate that like, You know, our ritual took what, 10 seconds, 15 seconds. We're not necessarily talking about week long holiday parties, although like sure, like great. That that can be a ritual tool too. I'm thinking about a colleague of mine at Ssy Partners, the, the agency and their team has a, has a ritual check-in at the beginning of their, of, of, of their meetings where they just like hold up a number one through five on their hands of like how they're showing up to the meeting.
And then they usually take about 10 seconds each, 15 seconds each to just like check in and say, this is where I'm at right now. You know, the whole thing takes a couple minutes and you know, it can be really hard when you're pressed for time, you're behind deadline and they still do it. And I think that's how you know that it's actually a value that they hold because they do it when it's hard.
There's a lot of things that companies will throw at you when it's easy and when money's abundant and, and and they'll say all kinds of things about the values that they have, but you really know whether it's a value, if they keep doing it when it's hard. So this, this team's value is like, we're humans.
We're showing up in this meeting with like, all kinds of stuff happening in our lives. And like, it's there, it's there whether we like it or not, it's there, you know, and we're not gonna take 30 minutes to process it and express it all, but we're going to at least acknowledge it and be able to show up for each other better.
Because I see that you're a two right now rather than a five. I, I might actually interact with you a little bit differently. I might, I might be a little bit softer or kinder in my ask for you. And, and that matters cuz that builds all the things that we know is important. Psychological safety, trust, blah, blah, blah, blah.
That really does affect productivity. But it's, it's hard in companies cuz slow down to speed up or slow down to have deeper impact, slow down to, to, to get better quality is a, is a tough thing to really like believe it, it feels counterintuitive and that's kind of the point.
Oren: Exactly. And you said one thing there that I wanna just name and make and make an explicit point around, and then I wanna continue moving in this direction of, of values and, and the way rituals support us in actually embodying values within a company.
But first, one thing that is a common misconception when it comes to the type of work that you and I do in the world, which is, is bringing more awareness, more of, of this shift from away from autopilot is I don't wanna, I don't wanna work in a place where, where we're like therapizing everything, and you know, so in our process with each other, and that's not what we're suggesting so much as just bringing a bit more.
Of that thoughtfulness and consideration and humanity that we've learned to leave out of the picture. That is, it's just become normal to leave these very human ways of connecting and relating to each other out of work. And we're suggesting, well, let's bring that back in.
Ezra: Yeah, absolutely. What's that Brene Brown quote?
Let me see if it's like you can either spend a, like, reasonable amount of time dealing with the, like, emotions in the room or spend an unreasonable amount of time dealing with the fallout, you know, it's like something like that. Mm-hmm. Exactly. You know, that we, we have this sense that that everything is going to, you know, that, that, that when we touch on these human elements, it's messy.
It's it, it, it's Chaotic. It's uncontrollable and, and companies really, I think often thrive on like systems control predictability. And humans are messy and we are unpredictable. And the idea of like bringing your whole self to work is a kind of funny, the language of that is kind of funny to me because we are always our whole selves no matter where we go. I think some places we feel more expressed in certain parts of ourselves and so but, but we are always our whole self.
It is always there. It's just a question of whether or not it will be explicit. And because it's explicit, you can actually deal with it. Or is it just going to be in your shadow, in, in the space that is in outside of your awareness, there affecting things but never able to be dealt with.
And that doesn't mean therapy your boss is not your therapist. That's for sure. And your hrs you know, person is not your therapist either, but they are a fellow human, you know? And and, and that I think is, is, is critical that we bring in that element. I'll also say just for what it's worth, you know, I love rituals obviously, and, and really believe that it is a tool that is being left out of the conversation.
Which is a disservice because rituals have been used in every culture, in every part of the world through all of human history, back to our earliest ancestors. So it's a really core evolutionary and and, and even biological behavioral element of our species and, and, and especially critical to culture, right?
There isn't a healthy culture in the world that hadn't, that doesn't have rituals, and yet it's left out of the conversation. So, yes, I believe that, and at the same time, it's not magic. It's not, it's not the only answer. You know, there's, you know, like if you're onboarding somebody and you want a ritual that connects them to their teammates, like, great, do that.
And also tell 'em what their computer password is and show 'em where the bathroom is. You have to do both, right? Ritual doesn't just solve everything. And habits, routines and traditions are just as necessary for a well-functioning organization. I don't mean put friction everywhere, slow everything down.
We need the automatic, the habits that, that just roll and just function. It, it's really about making sure that we're being intentional about which thing we're doing and why, and we're using the right tool for the thing that we wanna create or, or the intention or the, the impact that we wanna have. If you, you know, a a, a ritual would be a terrible tool to use if you're trying to create a habit, which is just automatic.
And, and habits are terrible tools if you're trying to create a ritual, you know, like habitually, how many of us start our meetings with five minutes? Zoom, chit chat about nothing as we wait for some person to show up late. And then somebody at some point is like, okay, well I guess we should get started.
And then what do you know? The minute the meeting runs 10 minutes over, you know, and, and, and, and oh, and even worse, when it's like 15 people in the meeting and only two people or three people are chit-chatting and everyone else is just listening on, okay, so we're, we're going through this. Just have it, we just do that.
Cuz that's what we always do. And no one has ever decided or thought about or been intentional and say like, what is the, what is our actual goal here? What's the impact that we wanna have? And is this thing that we're doing actually serving us? And if not, what can we do differently?
Oren: Yes. I like to.
Think of myself as somebody who just questions everything often to the point where it just gets annoying, how much I question everything. But I acknowledge that when I'm working with my clients, for example, especially when I'm beginning work with, with a new client, that questioning things and interrupting those patterns, interrupting those habits, it comes with a, a perceived cost.
Whether that's consciously acknowledged or not, meaning it, it can feel threatening at a, at a, at an embodied level, at a somatic level. It can feel dangerous to question and interrupt the way that we've been doing things within a culture, within a group. And I'm curious what you would say to, to that, just given that, in my experience, it's such a, it's such a prevalent kind of dynamic that exists, but we don't often acknowledge that, almost like that initial hump.
We have to get past in order to start creating these kinds of intentional
Ezra: changes.
Yeah, this work is not easy. It is often, you know I, I I I think that the sort of science around change and our resistance to change is important and it informs my work a lot. This, this idea that any change, even, even the ones that we like, even the ones that we want, the good ones inevitably comes with something being lost, which is grief and something that is unknown, which is anxiety.
But it's not the full picture. Right? On the other side of loss is liberation. And on the other side of anxiety is hope. So we are going through these changes. We're having automatic often reactivity because that's how we're programmed. And yet we're, we're not making space to have the full picture of it.
I, I'm thinking about Zipcar when they were transitioning from a desktop to a mobile app, and this was like in early days when this was not a guaranteed bet. And like any major organizational change, there's, you know, there, there's people being let go, there's new hires, there's org restructuring and there's a lot of anxiety in the air.
Because of course there is. They created a they had this ceremony where they like brought everyone into their main space and they had a bunch of desktop computers and they all got to take turns smashing the desktop computers to really signal this, this change in the company to, to create a shared, embodied experience of it.
And I think whether implicitly or explicitly to acknowledge like there's grief, there's anger, there's anxiety in the, in the room right now. And that's okay. That's okay cuz we're gonna be able to move forward with that. We don't have to just like, let it go and disappear and pretend like it doesn't exist and just have a bunch of backchannel conversations
we can actually be really, we can explicit, we can name it, we can bring it into the space. So, so yes, change will, will, you will always encounter resistance to change and In a lot of ways, like one of my design principles is obstacles is opportunities. So that resistance to change is, is just an, is just an opportunity.
Oren: It just so speaks to, to what I believe is the, is the heart of being able to move through change, which is allowing for all of it to be there, all that discomfort, all that uncertainty, the grief, the sadness, the anger, basically developing emotional literacy and, and a willingness to, to move through those kinds of spaces together, where we're gonna see parts of each other and expressions that you don't typically see in your run of themi day to day at.
But that is, that is the core, that is like the, the doorway we need to move through in order to be able to create different changes, to bring more creativity and connection to our work and to what we're creating through our work. And it is so rare that you hear about examples like the one you you gave there, where it's, it's so visceral, it's so experiential of, of smashing a computer.
And it serves to not only be together in this shared experience that as you are alluding to, can otherwise just be there behind the curtain and then comes out sideways in some way, shape, or form. Like I always say, if we're, if we're holding something in, it's gonna pop out somewhere, so we might as well learn to be with it.
Ezra: Right. And, and You know, like we've had thousands of years of evolution that have developed tools to deal with this change. And the anxiety and grief of change is not new to the human experience. Our ancestors have gone through this, and by the way, even much more sign, well, I shouldn't say much more significant changes.
It's, it's always significant. But our ancestors went through this as well, and they figured out how to do it and how to do it well. And they created this thing and it's called ritual. So, so, we don't have to, we don't have to, re reinvent the wheel here in, in the sense that we know, and the science shows, that, that rituals help create a sense of control.
At, in times of anxiety, they enhance performance by, by decreasing anxiety. They provide stable feelings of, of social connection. They, they help people deal with loss. They, they increase creativity, they improve the quality of experiences. There's. Tons of studies now that can point to what we've long known intuitively, that change requires a ritual or, you know, like as I was saying it, during, during the time of covid.
Collective loss requires, and, and collective grief requires collective ritual, collective process collective. Collective loss requires collective healing. And and, and we often are, don't have those tools available to us because we assume that ritual needs, it's like it's, they're, they're, they're rigid and they are must be passed down for thousands of years to make it a ritual.
But we are creating new rituals all the time. And sort of to your, to your earlier question, another thing that I would say to people who are experiencing some resistance around, around change is to remind them what my colleague Casper says. Every tradition started as an innovation, right?
Every tradition started as an innovation. So you're just looking, where are you in your timeline? The things that you hold true and core. And we've always done it this way. Well, No, no, that actually started 20 years ago, you know? Right. Yeah, yeah. Or like my my uncle who I went to his, his Passover Seder for the, for the Jewish holiday of, of Passover and there's this book that you follow, kapa Hak.
And, I wanted to bring some new rituals. Hey, let's try some new things. And he is like, you know, Ezra, what I love about Passover is that it's always the same. That's what he said. So he rejected all of my new rituals. And then I went to his house and I looked at the Haa, and his haa that he was using was called the New American Haa.
And I was like, published in the nineties, you know, it was like always the same, you know, I'm older than the saga, you know. So I think we, we, we trick ourselves into, you know, tell ourselves these stories of because it, it makes our, you know, like we tell, we tell ourselves these stories that these things are, are.
Timeless and forever, when really they're in constant flux and constant evolution. And the truth of the matter is the, the, the core identity of the world is impermanence. Nothing is permanent. And so it's actually a much more human and and true experience to feel a little bit of that improv, you know, that I, I think is where some of the best creativity comes from in this space.
Oren: So let's build on that, that improv, of recognizing and, and moving through uncertainty, which can be very confronting in a business world that prides itself on some elusory certainty that we can guarantee with, with the right data and the right language And in this, in this traditionally top-down approach to creating things in the world, to building businesses, that says as long as there's enough control over everything that's happening, we'll be able to, to keep moving forward regardless of what's going on around us, regardless of what's changing, as long as we've got control.
And this is one of the things that gets in the way of, of embodying values. We can have the best intentions in the world when we create a business, and the founders and the, the initial leadership teams can genuinely believe in the values that they speak to, the values that then go on the plaque, that goes on the wall, and inevitably it becomes just another decoration because oftentimes it's inconvenient to.
Address questions of value when they come up. It can force us to let go of control for just a moment and come back to the essence of, of why come back to you the symbology of not just the value itself, but why we all came together to work on this thing for this company. So I would love to, to get a little bit of your insight based on your experience working within organizations of different, of different kinds of teams, of different kinds.
What is, what can be supportive of acknowledging the values, even when it feels like it's
Ezra: not the right time? Hmm. Do you have a, like, do you have an example from, you know, of, of when you saw that happen? Yeah. Let's see.
Oren: There are many examples of in what's the, what's the classic, stereotypical value, integrity, acting with integrity.
Many companies have some value related to being honest, being transparent, being responsible, accountable, and integrity in some way. And it's one that we tend to interpret in different ways, depending upon what's going to allow us to to continue moving forward with our business and the way we intend without sacrificing things like speed without adding too much additional cost.
We tell ourselves, I know this thing is really not totally aligned with our values as a company, but the ends justify the means where we're going. And this is a classic issue within tech. Where we're going is going to help, the collective is going to support humanity if we cut these corners here and do these kind of shady things with the data there.
That ends by far because of the scale of our reach justified as means. And when you're in the moment making those decisions to come back to integrity and make really challenging choice that is going to impact your life and the life of your employees, how fast that company can grow, that can be a really challenging moment to make a decision that is truly aligned with those words on the wall.
Ezra: Yeah. And, and even more complex when you're facing a decision in which the values don't actually, that when, when the values feel like they're in conflict with each other, you know, like to use that example, you know, let's just say that company also had the value of, you know, creating a an environment where our employees can flourish financially and do their best work, whatever. Yeah. Okay. So we can make these n choices that are out of alignment with integrity, cut some corners, blah, blah, but. It'll create profit. And didn't we say that we're meant to help our employees flourish and like this will, I can give them all a raise.
And if we don't do this thing well, I am gonna have to cut some people or reduce salaries. So don't, so then what do you do? It's tough. I, there's no easy, I, I don't have a, I don't have a magic response to this. Or an e or an easy answer to this. I think that, you know, I, I go back to what I said earlier.
You know, some of the core things that I know about values is that you only know it's a value if you do it when it's difficult. That's how you really know. It's a, it's a value, you know? There's a the value of, you know, not committing adultery or whatever. If you lived in a cave and never saw anybody would, it wouldn't be much of a value.
Like it is a value when it's put into practice when you're out at the bar . If you're like, well you know, I know that this is the value, but I also have this value about finding happiness and joy in my life. So, you know, like, well, anyway, it doesn't really look like such an important value anymore.
And I think that we, I think that we humans are, are very skilled at telling ourselves stories that dilute us and keep us. The hero of our, I think we're all heroes of our own stories, and I think companies are also the almost always the hero of their own stories as well. So we're very skilled at that.
And I think rituals help us by, by embodying these values, by creating shared experiences around them, by holding them up as important. Because when you spend time with something, it's, it's one of the ways that we show that we value it by creating practices that bring it into our lived experience.
I think that we become much more skilled at identifying when we're out of alignment with it. You know, it's, it's similar to, you go on the meditation retreat, not so that you can stay in silence for the rest of your life. But so that you, when you go back into the motion and commotion of your everyday life, you can notice you have that noticing of when I am not my best self because I got to experience my best self when I was on vacation and on a retreat and Bali, and everything's taken care of.
Life is easy, you know there it's so easy to be my best self there, so that when you're back into the difficulty of life, you've had a contact, you've met your best self, and you can, you can see you're better equipped to notice when you're out of alignment with it, with that person. And the same is true with rituals.
When, you know, we, we, when we, we take that time to, to, to value them, to celebrate them, to experience them, so that we are better equipped in those moments when you're having that conversation, in that meeting to say, you know what? This feels like we're out of integrity and I know that integrity is important to us cuz we had Integrity Day or like, or, because every time that I do x I pass it through this filter.
Or because remember that story about our founder that we tell, you know, all of our onboarding employees that they had this difficult choice to make and they chose to make this choice. The, they, they chose to make the mo the more you know, honest and truthful choice. And it hurt them in the short term, but in the long term, it paid off.
Like we tell that story every time we onboard a person. I think integrity is actually really important to us. And you only have that language when you've, when you've weaved it in and, and, and metabolized it into the, the, the life of the organization.
Oren: There's something that's coming together from this conversation around living and breathing the values and the way ritual supports that, which is the way in which, when we're engaging in a ritual together that is intentionally designed to reflect a value, is we're taking this concept that exists in our own internal kind of interpretation and relationship with it.
We're making this sense of, of collective holding, of this value. It's almost like we're making, we're shifting the relationship from. One-to-one, two. Now we are all in relationship with this value as we move through this ritual together. And it, it just, it, it's more fresh within all of our, our collective awareness as opposed to something that I've interacted with a couple of times and made my own interpretation and go on
Ezra: my.
Right. Yeah. You know, there's, there's a, a, a scientific study that has shown that, you know, rituals help us remember events with greater detail and for longer, for, for, for a longer time period. So that's true. It sort of plants a, a, a flag in our memory because they're, they're different, right? They're, they're these noticeable events that differentiate from, you know, from what I call the, the run-on sentence of our lives ritual is, is punctuation that helps us differentiate and, and, and, and, you know, exclamation points to question marks, to even just tiny little commas when life seems and feels to just be running together.
You know, the, the, the evolutionary biologist and behavioral scientist, Dr. Isabella Burkey's, got this great line. She says you know, tell me what rituals you do and I'll tell you who you are. You know, that, that, cause they are these. You know, very visible, tangible, embodied experiences and practices that they take these intangible concepts and they actually make them visible that they can be one of the best tools that you have for
correctly identifying what, who, who a person is or who a culture is and what they, what they value. That can be a little tricky in the sense that we all, we can all point to a plenty of rituals that are hypocritical, right? That the values that the ritual is embodying aren't actually truly held, especially by the leadership.
And so it's hypocritical, it's window dressing, it's bypassing and that's, that's a real risk in. This work. And that's why I, I do think that the, while the process of creating the rituals is best when it's ground up, the process really has to start with leadership and the, that deep inner work in themselves for them to identify what they value, what they care about, and how they are willing to live their lives aligned with these, with these values.
Because as soon as we see, I mean, I think it's the number one reason why people in, in surveys around what a toxic workplace is. It's, it's leadership hypocrisy. As soon as people get a, a whiff of that it creates a real environment of toxicity and mistrust. So it's important, you know, it's important to, to really do that deep examination.
Oren: One thing that I'm just. Taking in over the course of this conversation is, is how committed you are to, to bringing that punctuation to the run on sentence that most of us have, have just grown accustomed to as a, as a way of being. So I would love to hear from you one, one ritual, one practice, something that has been special for you that maybe is, could be accessible to somebody listening as an inspiration for something that they can do to support their more complete expression of who they are, of their values.
Hmm. When they're showing up to work and
Ezra: to life. Yeah. Thank you for that question. My brain always short circuits, whenever anyone asks me about what rituals you do partly because I do so many and, and partly because Yeah, it is just because also, like they're, they're, they are in constant evolution, which is a core, you know, belief of mine.
That these are not static practices that need to, you know, exist forever, that they can serve you for a certain amount of time. And that's perfect just the way that is. They don't have to be forever for them to be valuable. I also find some resistance to this question because I there's a lot in pop culture right now.
The sort of do this feel that rituals is how I like to call them. It's like step one, step two, this, that, and then you're gonna feel this way. And it's a so like, transactional relationship with ritual. And it, and it makes it actually, it takes it away from, from its quality as a ritual because you haven't, you've, you've gone right to the what, why are you doing this?
And you've skipped. The why am I doing this and the why am I doing this? You've skipped those two questions, and those are really fundamental for the ritual to ultimately have its impact in your life. And you can't just you know, take my answer and project it onto yourself and, and expect it to to have the same kind of resonance.
So, you know, I tend to, I tend to resist these, these sorts of questions, and yet you know, I know that some examples can be helpful. I, I know that a lot of people have trouble turning work off, especially if they're working from home. And I've done a couple things around that. For a while. I, at the end of the day when I decided I was done with work, I would cover, I would shut down.
I would do the practical things like close some tabs, some of that stuff. And do my, end of day wrap up and I would shut down my computer, which felt like radical, I was, I actually gotta shut it down. And then I covered it with this really like beautiful little cloth that I had brought back from some of my travels.
So that inevitably when I, looked over at my computer, I was like, oh, that's right. I turned it off and I'm done with work. Because the, that instinct, that habit is so ingrained and I've heard people apply this ritual in all kinds of interesting ways. You know, I, I heard about someone who they took like a, a, a picture that their kid drew and they put that on top of their, Laptop because when they looked over, they remembered like, oh, I'm turning off my laptop.
Why am I doing this? Or why am I doing this? Oh, it's to connect and be with my family. So that's, that, that was their reminder of, of the why for them. So I think that can be really helpful. I also, I changed my computer password to deep breath, which is just, I don't always do it, by the way. Like I, I, I would say I more than, more than often don't take a deep breath whenever I log back in on my computer.
But there have been times where I really needed it, where I was like so stuck in the autopilot and I just, like, one single conscious breath when I turned on my computer can be so powerful to reorient of like, why am I doing this? Why am I here? You know, like the Instagram scroll, like I went on to message a person and then 10 minutes later I'm like, didn't message that person.
And I like completely forgot why I was there in the first place. How do they do that? So just that, that simple little bit of friction is helpful. And I, and I often, I really encourage if you're, if you're wondering where to start with ritual look at transitions in the day, you know, look at beginnings and endings and, and look at mealtimes.
Mealtimes are also a really great place to start because it's so it's a you know, the, the sort of science behind habit building from BJ Fog and James Clear around habit stacking, like, find something that you're already doing and then build like a habit on top of that. It's this pretty similar with rituals.
I know I'm gonna eat multiple times a day, and so it's a great way of adding a little bit of ritual into my life. And I, with my partner, when we sit down for dinner, at the end of the day, I mean, to be honest, lunch is often like standing up or at my desk. I am totally guilty of it. And dinner. At the end of the day, when we eat together, we, we sit down, we cook, we sit down and we, we close our eyes.
We usually take about three deep breaths. But we take whatever time we need and to, to find gratitude, to locate ourselves in the moment. And then when we're ready, we open our eyes on our own time. And when both of us have opened our eyes and we're looking at each other, we usually say something sweet like, I'm grateful for you, or, I, I'm, I, I love you, or, I'm so happy that we have this meal.
And, and it's, it's a, I essay great example of a ritual that has some kind of structure and rigidity to it. Like we close our eyes, we take some breaths, but there's also improv and flexibility cuz the thing that we say to each other is always contingent and informed by that day and how we're feeling in that moment.
So there's a bit of. Continuity as well as flexibility, and it makes it a really great way of, and quick way of checking in with ourselves and elevating what can be just the consumption of calories to something special.
Oren: Finding those reframes, those sentences that keep appearing and just inserting punctuation and those sentences, you know, are gonna come.
That's beautiful. Those are some, I'm, I'm definitely inspired by those examples, so thank you for going there and sharing them. Those are
Ezra: beautiful. Yeah. And if you, and if you believe me that that that you shouldn't just do what I say then I'll bring you back actually to where we started in this conversation and, and just ask yourself, those, those same three questions, why am I doing this?
Why am I doing this, and why am I doing this? And you can use those questions both for creating a new ritual from scratch. And you can also use those questions for taking something that you're already doing and adding some more intentionality and meaning to it. Like if you're, if you make coffee every morning, total habit why, why am I doing, why am I making coffee and why am I drinking coffee in this way?
And what are some special ways that I can that I can bring more layers of meaning to it? I, you know, I'll say that, maybe you can edit this or I don't know, but another example just came to mind, so I'll give it anyway. I, I always forget this one, but it's a silly one and maybe it's helpful because it's silly, which is I make coffee every morning, total habit.
Automatic unconscious, right? It's not a meaningful thing in my life, but I trained my Google Home where I say, Hey, Google, it's coffee time.
I said, I was like, is it gonna actually, okay, one minute and 30 seconds. And that's starting now. Hooray.
Oren: Hooray
Ezra: for coffee. I don't know if you've caught that, but it's so, so my coffee bruised for 90 seconds and then I just like trained it to say, hooray harray for coffee. You know, it's like, it just brings a little bit of joy into my life.
It's even every time it happens, like I just smile a little bit and you know, we, we don't always have to think about rituals as these, like, massive productions. We can think about really just the spectrum of ritualization, right? Just like how many, just one degree special, more special than what's normal and what's, what's, what's what I always do.
And even that can actually bring a lot of over time. Bring a lot of meaning to your life. Yeah.
Oren: Train, train your robots to, to encourage some ritual in your life.
Ezra: Google is not paying me for this. I wish it is not an endorsement, but yeah.
Oren: Yeah. Thank you Ezra. So for, for those who wanna look into to ways to experience this with you to go deeper into ritual with you, what are some ways people
Ezra: can do that?
For sure. Check out my website, ritualist.life. Or you can find me on Instagram at ritual underscore ist ritual ist. My, my creative studio is called Ritualist, where I do this work for sure. Email me my emails. Hey, hey, Google. Stop. That's the timer. Coffee's ready. Email me Ezra ritualist.life. I'd love to hear if you've got a ritual that you have or you just realized is a ritual.
For the first time I collect examples of rituals as a hobby. It's I am a total nerd that way, so I'd love to hear from it. Or, or if you're struggling with a ritual at work or in your, in your life shoot me an email. I'd, I'd, I'd be happy to chat. And if you are, are sold and, and really wanna be able to apply this in your.
Work life or home life. I have a course, it's a seven week course. We learn in all, all online but all live where we learn in small little groups of six it's called the Ritual Lab. And we go in depth on the science of ritual at the art of ritual. And then we, we just spent a lot of time experimenting and practicing.
So if there's like a, some, something that you're wanting to ritualize in your life or you know, a team meeting that you're trying to improve, or a conference that's coming up that you wanna, wanna make better, you, you can bring that to the group and we'll workshop it, coach it, give some new ideas for it, and brainstorm it with you.
So it's a, it's a great practice of this work. And and then you leave the course with. Awesome colleagues and peers that you can use for feedback for forever. It's, it's, it's an amazing thing. It's, it's the best thing that I've done, I would say in my career. And I'm launching new cohorts in the spring and summer.
There's a ready a wait list, so, so definitely go on my website, ritualist.life/learn and you can and you can put your name on the wait list. Thank you so much for being here, Ezra. Thank you, Oren. It's a pleasure and a joy and I feel really grateful to get to have this conversation. I hope that the words that we shared in this conversation that we had finds its way into people's minds and, and hearts.
And I, and I hope that it brings a new layer of meaning and purpose and connection in, in your lives.
🎙 The Culture Lab: Activating Company Values Through Purposeful Ritual Design
Rituals are a fascinating aspect of human behavior. From ancient religions to the modern workplace, they play a significant role in shaping our culture and behavior.
Although recognized as an integral component of culture by many esteemed culture frameworks, rituals are often overlooked as an effective tool to activate and embed core values.
However, organizations that are intentional about building a thriving culture are starting to utilize the power of rituals as a critical tool in creating a unique and authentic company culture that aligns with the core of who they are and what they stand for.
Our guest Ezra Bookman, the founder of Ritualist, specializes in designing secular rituals.
Ezra has been sought out by business leaders from all industries, all looking to create a stronger sense of community and infuse their values into the everyday fabric of their organization.
Through this week’s episode of the CultureLab podcast, we learn from Ezra how purposeful ritual design can help us build a more values-driven, engaged, and productive workforce.
Rituals create a feeling of belonging and connection within groups of people.
Episode highlights
The difference between a ritual, a habit, a routine, and a tradition.
The interdependency of workplace culture and rituals.
Characteristics of great rituals.
The role of intentionality in ritual design.
A good starting point for designing workplace rituals that reinforce and support your desired culture.
The key objections people have when it comes to rituals.
Spirituality at work.
Rituals don’t need to be religious and they don’t even need to be spiritual. They just need to be special.
🎙 Rituals And the ROR: Return On Relationships
Exactly what are rituals, and how do they affect our lives? Some of the most recognizable rituals are marriages, funerals, graduations, coronations and presidential inaugurations, oaths of allegiance, dedication ceremonies, etc. On this episode of Authentic Living with Roxanne, ritual expert Ezra Bookman shares the benefits of rituals in the workplace and how they can help to improve morale & create a more connected community.
“Changes happen to us; transitions are the conscious, psychological decisions that we make to come to terms with change. Rituals are ways in which we can embody transitions and bring them out into shared experiences.”
This was such a great interview packed with so much interesting information about workplace conflict that we decided to turn it into a 2-part series. Be sure to tune in again next week for part II.
Authentic Touch Points:
Ezra’s path to rituals. 2:00
What is a ritual? 5:30
The intersection of arts & rituals. 9:00
Why we need rituals. 14:00
Negative vs positive rituals. 18:00
Why companies seek out rituals. 22:00
The benefits of rituals in the workplace. 28:00
7 Better Questions to ask at Thanksgiving Instead of “What Are You Grateful for this Year?”
My #1 rule for social gatherings: Be more interested than interesting.
Asking a question is more than just a way to avoid awkward silences. To remix A.J Heschel: Questions are our humble response to the inconceivable mystery of another human being. A good question comes from the recognition that even your closest loved ones are never fully knowable and that every single person is infinite.
That’s why the standard “what’s one thing you’re grateful for this year?” is such a missed opportunity. It might be good for kids or as a warm up for strangers, but it rarely leads to deeper reflection, conversation, connection, sharing, or learning something new about the people you're with.
So here are 7 of my favorite questions, new for this year, to ask around your table this year that dig a little deeper, encourage storytelling, and make space for shadow. Keep scrolling for a bonus dinner ritual + game-changing hosting tips.
#1
Where have you felt most alive this past year? Paint a detailed picture.
#2
If your life was a delicious meal, what flavors are you savoring right now?
#3
Tell the person on your right one way you’ve seen them grow this year.
#4
Choose something ordinary in your life that you take for granted. Describe it like it's the most extraordinary thing you've ever discovered.
#5
Who is someone that makes you feel deeply appreciated? How?
#6
What have you inherited from your ancestors that you're grateful for?
#7
What in the year ahead do you hope to truly treasure?
Bonus Dinner Ritual (only for the brave)
Catch someone’s eyes at the table and take a deep breath or two together. Share a smile, then tell each other, “I’m grateful for you."
Hosting Pro Tips
Forced vulnerability First frame by explaining your intention, then ask if everyone is interested in participating (this can even be done ahead of time in your invitation)
Make it random by placing a different question under each plate -- the element of surprise and chance provide social cover for more vulnerable sharing
Give everyone 1-2 mins in silence to first think about their answers (might sound awkward, but it’s far better than spending the whole time stressing about what to say instead of listening to others)
More than 12 people? Consider forming little conversation circles of 4-6
Lots of introverts? Form little 1:1 pairs for more intimate (and less intimidating) sharing
Hey Alma: How to Hora Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
At its best, the hora dissolves boundaries between guests. Everyone becomes a blur of interrelation, joined together in the singular shared task of raucous celebration. You find yourself grabbing shoulders and holding on for dear life to someone who was a total stranger moments before, now transformed into your ally in the uninhibited expression of happiness.
Read more at Hey Alma.
Why We Should Still Do Moments of Silence After Tragedies (And 7 Ways to Design Them Better)
“A key characteristic of rituals is that they are symbolic, or in the words of behavioral scientist and ritual expert Nick Hobson, ‘partially lacking direct instrumental purpose.’ A ritual is a ritual not in spite of the fact it’s functionally opaque, but because of it. I believe Rep. Himes, Rep. Crow and others are calling on us not to abolish our national rituals of mourning, but to reclaim them. It’s not that they believe symbols are useless, only that the meaning of these symbols have been transformed through decades of misuse.
Silence has shifted from a symbol of inexpressible grief to a symbol of negligence and inaction. Lowering the flag has been distorted from a symbol of national mourning to a symbol of lowering our expectations for change.”
Read the full article on Medium.
In The News: Mid-Flight Mask Mandate Ritual Missteps
Flight attendants created rituals on the fly in the sky...and everyone’s mad.
The end of travel mask mandates is, without a doubt, a significant change that carries deep symbolic resonance. C*vid shrunk our worlds, and travel is a symbol of freedom and reconnection. For some, masks on planes gave them the freedom to travel with less fear. For others, masks on planes gave them the fear of traveling with less freedom.
On the one hand, I appreciate that people chose to creatively mark the moment. On the other hand, I’m struck by the glaring dissonance in images of passengers swinging their masks above their heads in celebration while sitting next to passengers with masks still on their face and fear in their eyes.
A good ritual works by making space for the full spectrum of emotions present— both the cheers and the fears, the light and the shadow.
These spontaneous rituals of pure celebration excluded anyone whose feelings were more complex than “ding dong C*vid’s dead, we won!” Exclusion only heightened their feelings of discomfort and fear, which intensified the backlash, which predictably intensified the backlash to the backlash. And so on.
“Ritualization is a strategic play of power, of domination and resistance, within the arena of the social body.”
- Catherine Bell, “Ritual Theory, Ritual Practice”
So what could have been done instead? Honestly, I’m not sure. Nuance is difficult for an issue that feels so polarized and binary. After all, your mask is either on or off.
But imagine if the flight attendants had announced the change and then asked passengers to keep wearing their masks for another 6.2 minutes to first honor the 6.2 million people who have died around the world. Or imagine if the flight attendant who beautifully sang an impromptu “throw away your mask” song added lyrics validating the choice not to, or some mournful lyrics referencing those who lost loved ones — some of whom were surely on the plane.
Imagine that.
Image Journal Issue 112
An interview with Ritualist Founder Ezra Bookman in Issue 112 of Image Journal.
“I believe there is no such thing as a healthy individual without community or culture, and no such thing as a healthy community or culture without ritual.”
What makes a ritual work? How do you foster experiences that don’t just become shortcuts for boosting productivity or job satisfaction? Does he have a favorite ritual? Read more here.
For 33 years, Image Journal has fostered contemporary art and writing that grapple with the mystery of being human by curating, cultivating, convening, and celebrating work that explores religious faith and faces spiritual questions.
🎙 The Forum at St. Bart’s: The Art of Ritual
Whether secular or spiritual, simple or spectacular, remixed or traditional, rituals are powerful tools for deepening the experience of life. And yet they’re widely misunderstood and vastly underutilized, even in our religious institutions. Ezra Bookman, the founder of Ritualist, reflects with Reverend Zack Nyein, Senior Associate Rector at St. Bart’s in Manhattan, on what rituals are and how they can best be adapted to our current moment.
A Ritual For for Honoring Connections and Growing Friendships from Afar
Amy Yoshitsu and I met at Esalen, one of those delightful “travel friendships” (aka deep, meaningful, and inherently time-bound). I was teaching and she was artist-in-residence, which meant we saw each other nearly every day for a month. But when it was time to say goodbye, I had no idea if we’d ever see each other again. That’s when she handed me her calendar.
“I print about 100-200 of these each year and give them to people come into my life in a meaningful way. I want you to have one.”
Sure, it’s practical (mostly for keeping track of watering 40 plants). But the exchange was a symbol for something bigger. It said, “You’re my people now. You had a presence in my life this year, and regardless of how far apart we may be or how little we may talk in the future, I want you to know that matters to me.” This tool for rigidly marking time is instead a symbolic reminder that time and connection are truthfully quite elastic.
When 2022’s calendar showed up in the mail last week, it made tangible Amy's intention of carrying 2021’s connection into 2022. After texting my gratitude for the gift, we put time on our calendars to zoom in January. Go figure.
In my conversations with Amy, it’s clear that the act of reflecting and creating each year’s list of people is a ritual onto itself. The list becomes a kind of map, a geographical survey of the shape of her social identity, which is to say a particular way of examining who she has been, who she is, and who she is becoming. These lists, created over the course of the year, could be seen almost like tree rings--snapshots of that year’s particular social and environmental conditions that together tell the story of her life.
What would you list look like? Who are the 200 people that have shaped your year? Your life?
PS. An unintended bonus: a calendar of collages makes perfect collage material at the end of the year. Collages becoming collages. Collage Inception.
7 Better Questions to ask at Your Thanksgiving Table Instead of "What are you Grateful for?"
A good reflection question can help elevate your "dinner party with turkey and stuffing" to a meaningful Thanksgiving ritual.
But most years I watch people fall back on the same old "What's one thing you're grateful for from this past year?" It's good for kids and as a warm up for people who don't know each other well, but it doesn't always lead to deep reflection and conversation. (Quick tip: Even just tweaking the phrasing to "What's a moment from this past year that you felt awe or a deep sense of gratitude?" can bring out richer sharing.)
So here are some of my favorite questions that dig a little deeper, encourage storytelling, and make space for shadow. Be a brave host and try something new this year, I dare you. You might just learn something new about the people around you who you know so well, and yourself.
When was the last time you felt truly appreciated? (from Holstee reflection cards)
Describe a moment of kindness from this past year that really meant something to you.
What privileges, advantages, or blessings in your life have you taken for granted this past year?
Give the person on your right a compliment that you don't think they hear enough. (from We’re Not Really Strangers)
What's a moment from this past year when you felt awe or a deep sense of gratitude?
What's something in your life that could benefit from an orientation of gratitude?
What are three things you've learned about gratitude?
🎙 The Kingdom: The Power of Letting Go (Again)
Justin Michael Williams’ The Kingdom is a weekly spiritual church—for everyone. Basically imagine if church, Super Soul Sunday, and a TED Talk had a baby...and that baby was a podcast. Learn the greatest wisdom teachings from all over the world. With live music. And personalized action steps.
A powerful teaching LIVE from the Esalen Institute. In this session, we cover the power of letting go, and the surprising mistake most people make when doing “letting go rituals.” This will show you what it REALLY takes to let go in a deep and meaningful way.
🎙 The Kingdom: The Power of Tiny Rituals
Justin Michael Williams’ The Kingdom is a weekly spiritual church—for everyone. Basically imagine if church, Super Soul Sunday, and a TED Talk had a baby...and that baby was a podcast. Learn the greatest wisdom teachings from all over the world. With live music. And personalized action steps.
This special 52nd episode features Ezra Bookman in a rousing discussion teaching how to use easy rituals to transform our lives. What’s the difference between habits, routines, traditions, and rituals? What are the common misconceptions about rituals? And how do we incorporate more tiny rituals to make our lives more meaningful?
🎙 Old Wisdom New Era: Embracing the Moments and the Meaning in Our Lives
Charles Vogl welcomes Ezra Bookman to discuss recognizing meaning in life’s moments and traditions in our era. They reflect on the value of celebration and making time to embrace moments in our lives.
WISDOM #1: There are a lot of threshold moments in our lives. They help us recognize how we’re changing. If we miss those moments, then we miss how we’re forming.
WISDOM #2: Slow down with people in your life and communicate with them how much you care about them.
WISDOM #3: Small moments are important to notice because there are actually no more profound moments. That’s all we got, so embrace the small moments.
Listen:
🎙 Fjord Trends: Little Rituals, Big Changes
Rituals are on the rise, including being named one of Fjord’s Trends for 2021… but why? A conversation between ritual expert Ezra Bookman and Accenture’s NA Fjord lead Nick de la Mare as they discuss little rituals with big changes.
🎙 Re-Enchantment: Ethics of Corporate Ritual Design
Ezra Bookman, ritual designer and founder of Ritualist, talks about his view on the seven components of ritual and the ethics of creating ritual spaces in corporate settings.
A Ritual For Celebrating Your Anniversary
Your anniversary is more than just an annual reminder to celebrate your relationship - it’s an opportunity to reflect on your past year together and set collective intentions for the year ahead.
So we spent the day enjoying each other’s company, drinking wine and eating cheese and having great conversations as we collaged our shared memories, remixing them into something new, beautiful, and so much bigger than the sum of its parts.
A metaphor for what it means to be in a relationship? Perhaps.
A new annual tradition? Definitely.
P.S. We got distracted and ended up working on these on and off for about 3 days, so no shame in taking your time aka extending the celebration.
The process of working on these together is even more important than what you end up making; taking intentional time to remember, reminisce, and reflect
Select
Part of what makes this so meaningful is learning what moments from the last year stood out for your partner and why. Scroll through your camera rolls and pick your top 10-20 (at least), then print them.
Pro Tips
Pics of you looking cute are great, but inside jokes, meals, beautiful places you visited, etc. will turn out to be super useful too, trust me
Throw in a couple weird wildcards just for fun
2. Assemble
Printed pics
Cutting mat
Cardstock
Glue stick or rubber cement
Scalpel or precision scissors
Optional but recommended
Symbols, memories, mementos, and ephemera (i.e notes or cards you wrote to each other, wrapping paper from gifts, receipts from date nights, tickets from shows, etc.)
A few cool magazines or old calendars
3. Create
Put on a great playlist, pour some drinks, make a cute snack plate, and settle in.
Enjoy quiet creative time with your partner, or use the time together as permission to ask the deep and vulnerable questions that have been on your mind.
Pro Tip: Use the collages as your cards by writing letters to each other on the back before exchanging.
🎙 Open Div Summit: Ritual Design
A 4-day "pod-conference" around spirituality, meaning, and connection in the secular world. Hosted by Casey Rosengren, the Open Div Summit featured academics, theologians, pastors, and secular community-builders, all discussing the popular application of their work.
Learn more about Open Div.
A Ritual For New Years
My News Years ritual is usually off the grid alone in a cold cabin in the woods.
But I think I’ve had enough solitude in 2020. This year I’ll be together with my girlfriend doing “normal” things like drinking champagne, cooking tacos, and playing games. We started dating this year through lockdowns, shutdowns, and distance - a reminder that there are real roses worth celebrating amongst the thorns.
Sometimes we use the repetition of ritual to anchor us as the world changes: sometimes we purposefully adapt our rituals to help us contact the reality of what’s changing.
For me, this is a year of adaptation. What is your body telling you that you need in this moment? Here’s a few ideas to spark your creativity:
Get fancy - break out the suit or dress languishing in your closet
Reflect and set intentions - yearcompass is a phenomenal free guide and framework
Clean - reset your space, get into those hard to reach corners, use sage or palo santo to clear our stagnant energy
Journal - thiesolationjournals will send you a special new years prompt for the first 10 days of January
Salt - put a pinch of salt in your champagne (salt has been used as a symbol of purification and longevity in many cultures // or a riff on the ritual of dipping parsley in salt water on Passover to mix joy with tears)
Shake it out - the tension from this past year lives in your body; do 5 minutes of some dynamic meditation so you don’t carry it into the next (especially if you’re alone and no one’s watching)
How do you hold the immeasurable losses of 2020 together with all its moments of beauty and discovery & the relief of making it through & the reality of it not actually being over & the hope for a better year & the total uncertainty of what's ahead?
Moment of Silence
For the last minute before midnight, hold your breath.
Pure celebration doesn't feel right this year. Let's close this year with a collective moment of silence and stillness for all that we've lost.
This will be hard and uncomfortable and will feel like it lasts forever - just like 2020. Notice the familiar feeling of tension, suspension, and fear in your body.
2. Take A Big Breath
At midnight, take a big giant gasp of air.
You did it. You made it. You are here, now.
Notice how all that fear releases when you breathe again. No matter what 2021 throws at you, remembering to breathe will help. Remembering you can breathe, and being grateful for that, will help too.
3. Go Nuts
For the first minute of 2021, clap and cheer and scream and shout and bang some pots and pans.
It can feel so freeing to scream. Open your windows and let your neighbors hear you, a throwback to the ritual of cheering for essential workers at 7pm. We're here today because of them.
There are so many people to be grateful for, and so many moments worth cheering - big and small. 2020 wasn't all bad. 2021 won't be either.
